Defining Your Own Success

Success, success, success. What comes to mind when you hear this word? Money, power, fame? I’m willing to bet you may think of someone who is wealthy, owns a big house and several cars, graduated from college, owns a business, wears fancy clothes, travels often, or has a lot of followers online. Even if this isn’t what you believe success to be, that is the picture that is painted and romanticized by the world.

If you haven’t stopped to define your own meaning of success, then it is likely that you have subconsciously adopted the definition of success belonging to someone else.

Beware, there is danger in accepting that fate. Even if it seems fine right now, using someone else’s definition of success will only lead you down a path of regret, resentment, and emptiness because deep down you know you are not living the life you truly want to. Why do you think so many people go through a midlife crisis? After many years, they realize that they wasted so many years living someone else’s life.

Most people beat themselves up because they see others on social media and think that they are failures in comparison. Yet, success is objective. You have to realize that everyone has different priorities and values in life, so doing a direct comparison does you no favors. In fact, it does the opposite. This is where your definition of success is altered if you have not yet set it for yourself. You see all of the “likes” a person gets on their post with their expensive car, fit body, or expensive clothes, and you think that you ought to shoot for the same goals without thinking twice. If those are things that you value, then you should be motivated by seeing those posts and seeking out how those people managed to do it. But if they are not important to you, then they should not affect how you feel nor distract you from achieving your version of success.

So, how should you define your version of success? Essentially, you must ask yourself what is most meaningful to you. What would bring the most peace, happiness, and fulfillment to your life? While going through this process, forget about everything you see in movies, in the news, on social media, and realize this:

You are going to die one day.

As you get older and you look back at your life, what will have been the most memorable for you? What will have made life worth it?

You must derive your meaning of success from your values and principles in life as they are your foundation in the way you live. If you have a loose set of values, then you can fall for anything and become lost in a void. Once you have identified what your core values and principles are, your path to success is simply living your life in accordance with them. If you do that, then success will be inevitable. Because each day that you are living a life that is true to you, you are already winning. You are already successful. You are living the dream. Even if you have not yet completed your goal or have a long way to go, you can go to bed happy because you know that the work you are putting in is meaningful and fulfilling to you. This is the most important part of it all because you never know when your last day will be. If you are not enjoying what you’re doing, then it may be a sign you are not living the life you want.

How I Have Come to Define Success in My Life

I didn’t always know what I wanted to do with my life or make of myself. I didn’t have an overarching master plan. But I have always imagined what a worthwhile future would look like for me. Imagining my future has helped me figure out what type of things I need to work on on a daily basis to work towards realizing my vision.

For example, I imagine having a nice house with a big enough backyard to set up a little soccer field, a basketball court, maybe a pool, maybe a little pond, and of course a family to share that with. I imagine myself being a loving family man who has the freedom to spend all the time in the world with my loved ones and being able to provide support in any way, shape, or form. I imagine myself having great quality relationships with people I come close to. I imagine myself having great mental and physical health. I imagine myself giving back to the community and making a positive impact in the lives of others.

Therefore, if I want to have a nice house with a big backyard, then I’ll need to make a decent amount of money. That means I’ll probably need a well-paying job and learn how to manage my money intelligently. If I want to have the freedom to spend time with loved ones, then I need a flexible job or become self-employed to manage my own schedule. If I want to have great relationships with people, then I need to practice compassion with people. If I want to be in great mental and physical shape, I need to exercise regularly and increase my knowledge through reading books, or taking online courses. If I want to give back to the community, I can engage in mentorship or volunteering opportunities.

By having this vision for my future, I know what type of habits I need to form and practice daily in order to achieve success. I can examine each opportunity that comes my way and determine if it will take me down my path of success. Most importantly, I can be happy today knowing that I was able to live each day in accordance with my values.

Defining Success

If I had to define success for everyone else, I would say that success means staying true to yourself and living life on your own terms. This may sound funny, but I truly believe if everyone embraced their uniqueness and lived a life true to them, the world would be a much better place. When you are doing things that you love, you do your greatest work. Now, not only is your great work benefiting others, but you also reach a higher energy state that lets the light from within you shine brightly upon others. Think of all the people we admire who have done excellent in their field and inspired us. I think of Kobe Bryant who gave us many great memories from his magnificent play and inspired us to live with the Mamba Mentality. I think of Michael Jackson who delivered incredible performances with his dancing and singing abilities. I think of all my favorite teachers from elementary school up to college who motivated me to be the best student I could be — they all really loved their job. Your job doesn’t necessarily have to be what you love. But you can pursue things that you do love. You can be a coach, a dancer, a musician, an artist, a YouTuber, a blogger, a photographer, and so on. When you are doing things that you love, your energy and your light will shine bright and positively influence everyone around you.

Why then, is it so hard to pursue the things that we love? That is because of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of what others might think. We must overcome these fears to become liberated and live the life we desire.

I want to close this article out with some snippets from Steve Jobs’ speech at Stanford’s 2005 Commencement in which he explains his outlook on overcoming fear in order to do what you love:

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

P.S. If you have not watched the commencement speech, do yourself a favor and do so.

Thanks for reading!